Brink

For many of those who live in chaos, the allure of riding the crests between hurricane and calm seas and the rapture of feeling in control of the storm, is enough to make them spurn the promise of peace.

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Brink

Forces of Nature

Love is like the tide.
Like the gentle lapping of waves on the beach.
It’s tireless, eternal, patient, waiting for us to come to it.

Hate is like a hurricane.
Like the monstrous thundering wind and rain.
It’s powerful, consuming, loud, drawing all attention to itself.

But once the hurricane is gone, the tide still hasn’t stopped. It puts the beach back to the way it was and keeps on it’s track, day after day. All you have to do is go to it.

Forces of Nature

How Heavy Is The Dark

How heavy is the dark
That light will fall before an instant
Giving way to inky curtains
Unless the guard’s ever persistent

How heavy is the dark
That follows souls through cycled days
Wearing, grinding, gnashing, waiting
Draining their light day after day

How heavy is the dark
That brings despair and deathly trance
That takes it’s toll without a glance
That never gives a second chance

How heavy is the dark
That it can take the stout and brave
Exhaust them with it’s patient hunger
Weighing, waiting ’til they cave

How heavy is the dark
That drives the desperate to the light
A single point that lifts the night
A gun
A bullet
A flash
A life

How heavy is the dark

 

Note: I had this idea and threw this together. I reserve the right to come back to it and do it better because I don’t like it as it is now, but then I never do like what I write do I? Still, there’s room for improvement, so once I’m better, so will it be.

How Heavy Is The Dark

Getting started: anger and altruism.

I don’t know what to blog about. My life is pretty much just work and my son right now. I don’t have any hobbies or anything I’m particularly good at. But they say that the only way to get better at writing is to write, so here’s some writing.

I felt really down yesterday, and that extended into this morning even though it usually doesn’t. Sleep is restarting the computer when it’s running slow, or so it has been until now. This revelation led to a pretty crappy two days so far. And because of the way I think about things, I always wonder if other people are going through the same thing and just sucking it up better, or if I really have a problem. Only time and professional help can tell. Unfortunately everything costs money and I don’t have that, so I’ve been procrastinating looking for help. I should really do that this week. We’ll see.

I tend two have two operating modes which are angry and placid unless I am otherwise inebriated. The anger usually comes from small frustrations and it burns out of control. Fortunately it’s also exhausting and I can’t stay mad for more thanĀ  maybe a hour, usually less, before I will literally fall asleep. These experiences have made me come to think of anger like a drug. At the time, it feels great. Getting anger our fills you up with energy and makes your mind fully awake. Adrenaline does that I suppose. But then afterwards you feel foolish and promise yourself you’ll never get out of control like that again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

It’s a terrible cycle, and an addicting one which only lends itself further to the explanation that anger is a drug. So maybe, sometimes, if you have an anger problem, it really does warrant being treated like an addiction, especially if that’s what it takes for you to get help. Anger will tear apart a family, lose you your job, and destroy your health just as readily as a drug addiction. I’ve seen what anger can do to a family. It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to see repeated.

It also seems to me that I am selfish. Though I like to think of myself as selfless, as I’m sure most people do, I’m not. I do a lot of things selfishly, and so do you. So does everybody. They say there’s no altruism in nature and I wholeheartedly agree. Whenever I do something for someone else it makes me feel good. I do it because helping makes me feel good, and it is only a side effect that it helps someone else as well. I think that when we use the term “selfish”, it’s usually people who act just the same way, but the person they’re helping is themselves. Condemning that behavior is great for building a society where people can work together and achieve more than they could on their own. It’s part of how we got this far as humans already. Plus, I’m not saying we shouldn’t frown upon it. I just think we should take a closer look at ourselves so we can understand why we undertake selfless actions.

If what you’re doing doesn’t benefit you in any way, you don’t want to do it, you’ll feel crappy about losing whatever it is you’re going to lose for doing it, and the only possible reason for you to do it is that logically it will benefit a community or individual that means nothing to you, that could be pure selflessness, actual altruism. But let’s be real, when’s the last time that happened? If given the choice between one of two groups of people dying where one is your kid and the other is 5 random kids, picking your kid is selfish. You’re letting up to five other families experience that kind of loss instead of just yourself. At the same time, you’d be hard pressed to find someone who wouldn’t make that choice the selfish way, and I’m pretty sure we all understand why. But if you want to make someone uncomfortable, ask how many other kids there would have to be for them to let their own kid die. Narrow it down to an exact number that they feel their kid is worth more than. It’s a great idea for the next time politics comes up around the dinner table and you want to change the subject.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Until next time, cheers.

Getting started: anger and altruism.

So about that…

I have failed at consistent writing before. This blog is a constant reminder that I did it again. I’m not sure why I thought that it would be different two years ago when I tried for the umpteenth time. I don’t think I’ll ever get content out on the regular. A normal blog? Maybe. Creative short stories or even writing exercises? Not a chance. But I have recently read about the virtues of keeping a journal. It’s supposed to be something to just clear out the crud in your mind and let you write what you want to write later. Something that no other human eyes will see, so you don’t have to worry about what you put. Well, I’m going to give using this blog a try again and see what happens. I believe that whoever read this before doesn’t anymore after such a long absence. So if anyone does come upon this entry, welcome weary internet traveler. You’ve come a long way down many distant and untrodden paths to find my hidden writing home. Make yourself comfortable, I’ll put on the kettle for some tea. You can stay here as long as you’d like.

So about that…